"whatever happens, happens for the best."

Bullshit.

In one of her sporadic health-related moments, my mother has decided to lose her muffin top.

By eating bran muffins as opposed to the regular ones.

Muffins... to get rid of muffins.

...

Women.

I remember when I kissed your red-rimmed eyes all night and only noticed the black smudges on my lips when I got home.